Thinking way into the future

My current internship is in a rehab/long-term care facility. I am loving it but having a hard time because its just not in my nature to tell elderly people what to do. They all remind me of my grandparents, who I love dearly and lost both within the last 5 years.

It has really gotten me thinking though. It is making me think about what will happen with my parents when they can no longer care for themselves. How much am I willing to take on? I mean I understand the need for such facilities. But I also see people living at this place who I really think should be living with family.

It also has me thinking about myself. I mean, when John and I get old and can no longer care for ourselves, what will our plans be. I don't want to be a burden to my children but don't want to find myself living in a place like this when I don't HAVE to. I have joked that Grayson will be my main caretaker and deal with my cranky old self because he needs payback or how much he has tried my patience. But Joey will change my diapers to pay back for all this poop I have been scrubbing off walls and floors and out of laundry this summer.

In reality, I know so much will depend on the course life takes. I may go quickly and the plan may not be necessary. It will be nice to have just in case though. And then there is the matter of my adorable Joey. While I hope that he grows and develops and marries, there is no guarantee of if that will be possible. So what if he can't live alone? The only thing I can do about that right now is to try to foster love and respect between he and his brother and sister and then hope for the best.

A spot for me

Don't get me wrong, I love my family to the ends of the earth. They are the reason I wake every morning and drag myself out of bed. But I have recently stepped back and taken a look at my life, and well, there just isn't that much of it right now that is mine. In order to be a better wife and mother I think I need to nourish myself. I am sure it is a famous quote by someone but I don't know who and just don't feel like looking it up but I once heard that "You can't pour from an empty pitcher". Its so true.

I said all of that to say that is the reason I am doing this blog. I have no idea who will ever read it but the posting in itself will be good for me. A place to lay it all on the line. To be myself. To whine over what isn't right in my life and to celebrate every victory

Of course, the biggest part of me is the mother. So I am sure that a lot of this blog will revolve around my children and everything that comes with being a mother. Feel free to comment but not to criticize. I get enough of that in my daily life, don't need more here.